Are You Tired, Momma?

I remember when my little girl was a toddler and man oh man could she test my limits. She had a fiery spirit and was hard-headed as they come.

That child would turn around, look at you and smile after her whooping.

She would state in the same sentence, “that did not hurt”. The struggle was real, and I felt like I was going to lose my ability to keep it together if things did not turn around.

That kid would cry at a drop of a hat, or get mean and bossy. I remember asking God multiple times, why would he give me this child with a strong personality along with mine.

My ability was not based upon his for sure. My tolerance for her back-talking, tantrum-throwing, kicking-screaming attitude was slim to none.

Especially, when it came to going out in public and she did not get her way.

Have you left a buggy full of groceries in the middle of Walmart only to take your wild child outside, for her or him to quit screaming “when” you approached the car?

Did you notice what I said? When! That child would scream, “saying, “NO” all the way, to the car, and then stop and smile by saying, “I am sorry Momma”.

People stared, and wondered if I was kidnapping my child, or what I was going to do next after she looked so innocent saying, “I am sorry, Momma”.

There had been times, that buggy was left two to three times in the same grocery trip.

I was not going to give in to her. She would one day learn that behavior was not appropriate or tolerated.

 Have you sat in your car after the kids got out, or when you just got home from work, that moment where there was a brief of peace, do you remember that feeling?

You then take a deep breath, maybe 100 of those before deciding to get out because once you step out of the car, chaos is waiting behind those doors.

I remember sitting there in my driveway, thinking, “I am a grown woman, and I am being bullied by a 4-year-old. We did this whole merry-go-round type of discipline. Which I am sure most families relate to.

From taking something, they loved away, placing them in time out, forming a reward system, bribery to its finest, or a good pop on that bottom.

It seemed like whichever one worked at that time, is what we continued with.

She loved to joke and kid around with people, but the moment someone would pick at her, she would get flaming mad.

I knew God had a funny sense of humor because he made her so stinking cute and funny just so it could balance her personality.

I was tired and felt like I was constantly beaten by playing referee. Do you feel like you are just the referee of your family?

I quickly realized a child can damage your emotional and social side.

Reaching out to other moms, pastors, family, or social groups that understand where you are, can help you tremendously.

There is nothing wrong with asking for help or advice.

Mom, if you are not at your best self how can your child understand their self needs? Kids watch us and adapt to how we handle stress triggers.

I took many walks, even if that was walking around outside my home alone for 5 minutes.

Those minutes were bliss and it worked. Having someone watch my child for 30 minutes to an hour to go to the grocery store, was no longer a buggy full of anxiety.

This allowed me to mentally prepare for attitudes, battles, and strong wits.

Taking small breaks from your family is important. We are not designed to handle that much in a time.

I do promise if you find small moments to collect yourself and continue to push ahead in molding your kids up right, it will pay off.

I always tell my daughter; I am raising you and teaching you ways how to handle the world.

Not only that so the world can handle her as a civilized adult; that does not believe the world owes her anything.

Kids believe everything is theirs and will just take it. If we do not squash that type of behavior, what kind of adults will they become?

Now, fast forward, to my little girl being fourteen soon, and we have learned so much throughout the years about one another.

My daughter has heard me say, that this is my first time having a thirteen-year-old. So, I am going to make mistakes, and she will make them also.

Kids need us, parents, to tell them we are sorry and that we do not know everything. This helps them understand we are not perfect, but we try to make it right.

Life has a funny way of letting you forget about those rough times, only to place you in other situations, such as handling teenage hormones.

All I am saying is for this momma, I better be her best friend when she is an adult. I put in the work, and I earned that spot in her life.

I am not saying I have to be her only best friend; I just need to rank on that timeline somewhere.

So, momma, are you tired?

Because I know you are, but I do promise there is light at the end of the tunnel. Keep pushing and one day it will pay off.

My struggles are not as bad as those toddler years. She has learned a lot and remembers those talks, and she relates the consequences to her actions.

She also notices no matter how much she pushed, screamed, or acted like a plum-crazy child, her mom would not cave.

I couldn’t cave because I knew that one day this child is going to be a leader someday.

There just needed to be structure and guidance to steer that strong-willed child in the right direction.

Can’t let her be a bully as a boss, right? Dear Lord, there are enough of those in the world.

So, momma, again are you tired?

If you said, yes and can relate to this story. Here are some keys to making it through the toddler years.

KEYS TO UNDERSTANDING

o   Remember kids watch you with your actions, and words before losing your crap, immediately ask for help and step away.

o   Talk to someone, because “talking” eases tension, and helps you realize you are not alone.

o   Find someone, to watch them if that means just getting 30 minutes to yourself to breathe and collect yourself.

When everyone else is finally asleep in bed, go take a detox bath. Also, going to the grocery store alone is a vacation for us parents.

o   Get up earlier, before the house starts to wake up. Get your morning peace that way you can handle what the day will offer.

o   Understand that you cannot give in to their every battle. However, choose what battles are important. Weigh out some battles because some aren’t worth the headache.

o   Mistakes will happen on both sides but remember to say you are sorry. So, they can understand the right way to say, mean it, and by using it properly.

It will get easier, not to say there will not be another struggle or obstacle you will have to cross. You will gain more knowledge as you both age together.

Just remember that this is their first time being whatever age they are, as well as it is you. You both will learn from one another and make many mistakes along the way.

Think like this for a moment, as an adult, do you get emotional, angry, jealous, bitter, resentful, or hormonal?

We as adults have a hard time controlling these obstacles, so how come we expect our kids to perfect these at will?

We shouldn’t put them at a higher level than ourselves, but we ought to help them through it.

It does not mean you are a bad parent, or that they are a bad child. Some personalities are stronger than others.

Just be stern, and never cave into the important battles and you will make it.

So, momma, are you ready?